Hit Rock Bottom Financially

Hello,  I never thought I would be here asking for money. I am here out of an act of sheer desperation. I am ashamed but here is my story. 

I am a licensed Acupuncturist. I have always worked. When I graduated from Acupuncture school in 2002, I was already in debt for about $140,000.00.  There were no jobs back then so I started my own business. I always took pride in my chosen profession as a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine practicing Acupuncture, Herbal formulas and Chinese massage called tui-na. 

I saw first hand how the traditional knowledge and my skills helped people to become free of chronic and nagging pain,  less stressed out and generally more of their authentic selves.  I always took great pride in my work caring for patients. I was pleased that I had created a place where people could heal and rid themselves of dis-ease. 

I moved to Texas and started treating Veterans with the Veteran Care in the Community Program in Killeen, Texas  the home of Fort Hood, the nation's largest army base. There, I treated almost exclusively Veterans.

 Unfortunately, in 2016, while I was working a second job, I broke my leg and it took 27 titanium pins, rods and plates to put me back together. I did not walk freely for 2.5 years. I had to walk on a peg-leg, but I kept working. I kept treating Veterans despite my inability to walk. I slowly recovered and through much hardship, I taught myself to walk again. I work for a living, I told myself. This will pass, I will be ok again. This was my mantra. Slowly over time, my situation improved. 

I was a Texas state licensed and Nationally Board Certified Acupuncturist contacting with the Veteran's Administration, I was proud of my contribution. I was never rich. Many months, I struggled. There were no vacations, no savings, no health insurance no visits to see my family; but I enjoyed my work and I liked being “the last stop on the pain train” for many Veterans who had suffered greatly and were slowly given up on. I never gave up on them. I always did my best to help them. My father was a Colonel in the Marines.  I helped the vets as if I would have helped my own dad. 

When COVID 19 hit, I was operating on slim margins but content. Then, the VA hospital closed and all referrals from them stopped. I was dead in the water. There were still some active referrals so I took out a $15,000. COVID SBA Eidl loan which is non-forgivable. This kept me and my employer afloat until there was no more business. I had to give everything away and close my business. This was in 2021. 

Heading into Poverty 

I got a job with a nonprofit distributing COVID Rental Relief. I worked for little money and the job was challenging on the best of days, but it was a job. I slowly sank into Poverty. The irony was that I saw for the first time in my life the many life-long benefit recipients and their non-careers of having everything paid for from electricity to rent to food and of course Medical which is more than I could have dreamed of running my own small business. I saw, first hand,  that the “poor” had it very easy and there was an inculcated culture of benefit seekers who were on-the-take for their whole lives. Most of them had better healthcare and housing than I did and were better dressed. I lost that job when the COVID funds dried up and my last day of work was on my birthday in 2023. 

I sank into a dark depression. I was on unemployment. My life, career and dignity were on the ground covered in dirt and debris. The VA has stopped Care in the Community in Killeen and all surrounding areas.  I sought a job wherever I could find one. It was hard to look for a job when you are riddled with migraine headaches, depression and constant prevailing dark thoughts. All I could think to do was to go anywhere in the country to find an acupuncture job. 

Georgia, another descent

I found a job in Georgia. There I worked with veterans and I enjoyed my work and slowly put my life back together. The migraine headaches persisted and I owe large amounts for two emergency rooms visits

In Georgia,  I worked for a company that committed insurance fraud, hired unlicensed uninsured people and it was too much for me. I couldn't professionally be associated with felons and scofflaws. It was too dangerous professionally and it made me sick to my stomach.  Things had looked up and then everything just fell off a cliff.  The vets liked me. I had many people in the community who came to me; but I couldn't take part in a felonious operation. My conscience wouldn't allow it. 

I found a job in Atlanta two months ago. To my surprise, the same thing.  There were unlicensed and uninsured people posing as qualified healthcare professionals worked with the blessing of the owner. That job paid little bit it was a step away from the criminality, or do I thought. I thought I could find something better in the metro area if I kept looking. 

My 82 yard old mom paid my rent for August because I am flat broke. I currently have $19.00 to my name.  She told me she could help me once, but never again. The Shame of even having to ask! Last week, I realized I couldn't afford dog or cat food anymore. Some nice people provided me with some so my pets wouldn't go hungry. 

I am physically not well. I have a hernia I need to keep pushing in because it pops out whenever I eat. My right hand and arm are weak due to nerve impingement that I woke up with one morning a few months ago. Now, there is neuropathy in my left leg as well as the right one where all the metal is.

 Physically and mentally, I am unwell. For years I took care of everyone, and now I cannot even take care of myself or my pets. I am humiliated and depressed and dumbfounded as to how I have sunk so low. 

Why don't you get another job,?  Well, I started driving for Uber eats. My car is running on three cylinders. It burns through gas and doesn't run right. The payment for drivers is horrible. It doesn't cover the price of the gas. I got a job in a clinic far from here. There are no benefits, no patients and nothing but a promise of future success. When I asked for some money, I was brushed off. They even wanted me to run a criminal background check on myself. It was a good thing Uber did that for me. 

How humiliating! This once proud professional and business owner reduced to being asked to pay for my own criminal background check as if I were a common criminal. Talk about being stripped of dignity and self-worth- grovelling for any position just to have some hope that things may get better. 

I really realized how low I had sunk last Saturday. As I was driving through bad traffic trying to get home from the job that is basically non-existent, I was contemplating how I was told not to come to work smelling like booze or pot and being asked to pay for and run my own criminal background check. Why would someone say that to me? Or even think that? How had I sunk so low as to being in a position where an employer would have the nerve to even talk to me like that or even think that about me? I was disgusted and disheartened. How did I get here at 58 years old? What did I do wrong? I have spent my life helping others and now to be treated like a bum off of the street by an employer at a job that has no work - just half-hearted promises of money in the far-off future. 

After, that chilling experience, I called my friend because I was having a panic attack while driving. The car was acting up. I bought puppy pads and had spent my last few dollars on gas for the trip.  My friend was upset that I was calling because she was in Italy driving down a mountain and my calls were covering her GPS route. 

Then it hit me.  I have absolutely nothing. Financially I am broke. Professionally, I am treated disgracefully and talked to like a criminal who has no morals or ethics. I literally have nothing anymore. No business. No savings. No healthcare, no food for my pets and soon, no apartment. I can't go anywhere without any money. I am stuck here in this city where I know noone. I am devastated. 

It all points back to when the COVID epidemic robbed me of my business, livelihood and self-respect. I've been on life support every since then, limping along, trying to act like everything is ok believing my situation would improve. Still trying to help others. 

Last Saturday, I was gob- smacked with the sudden realization that I was at the lowest point of my life. I realized that I was devoid of hope. I have no more faith that things will improve. I had always had that in the past. I have no hope and I have no more faith. This is the darkest time of my life. I can't find a way out. I am simply at dead ends everywhere I turn. I have always taken responsibility for myself. I have always taken care of myself as well as others. Now, I cannot afford food for myself or my pets. 

Meanwhile, I am 26 days from eviction. I am looking for jobs online. I don't have time to wait. I have bills to pay- Rent, Electricity, car repairs ( 1300.00), SBA loans and debt from school. I am drowning. I can only tell a few people.  Nobody really wants to hear it. People have their own problems. I don't want to burden people with mine. 

Maybe this has just been a cathartic exercise. People can just say this is all of your own fault. Trust me when I say, I assign myself enough blame and shameful for everyone.  I think of how I could have done things differently or looked the other way in the face of gross medical fraud and defrauding the VA. Maybe I should have remained silent and I wouldn't be here today. I blame myself. 

If anyone wants to donate, I will use the money to pay for my rent and fix my car. I will feed my pets. I will take my dog to the vet. He currently has blood in his stools. I will take myself to the doctor and seek treatment for the weakness and pain in my arm and hand. I will have a doctor look at this active hernia.   I will get a new prescription for my glasses. 

I also would like to retrain myself as a transcriptionist. I have looked into reputable courses online and found one, but at this point $400.00 might as well be a million.  With a remote career, I will be able to start work and earning good money.  I can move back to my state and be by my mom and sister and brother and old friends. I won't be by myself anymore. For many years I said that I was alone but not lonely. This is not the case anymore. 

I cannot seem to care for myself. I have lost 80 pounds. You can see the atrophy in my legs.  I have sunk so low that I don't have the energy to get back up. I'm tired, hopeless and sad.

 This was not supposed to be my life. I had once had such great hopes and dreams for the future. 

 Everything is shattered. Nothing is as it should be. I'm getting older, and I cannot even take care of myself. I cannot house myself. I soon will not be able to keep my elderly dogs safe and healthy. I feel like a disgrace. 

I am in a dark place and the depth of the void grows bigger daily.  Please help me find some way out. Please if you can, help a guy out who would do the same for you if  he could.